Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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