Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
