I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
