Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
