forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
