me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
