I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so that wasnt chicken after all
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Alive.
So much puke
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
