I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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