I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
