he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
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