Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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