When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
