she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
