hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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