whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
