Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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