I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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