In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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