If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
We got so high we made milksteak
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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