Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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