I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
