dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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