Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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