I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Randomize
