you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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