new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
