You can't special order awesome
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
