i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
