Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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