He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
