So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Best friends brother. Beat that.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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