ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
It's never too late to be topless.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
