Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just had sex bonerless
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
