Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
