Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
