Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
