Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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