I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
