I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize