I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Randomize
