so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
