Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
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