she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
