The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
You left your phone here
Wait...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
