she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
