there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
