he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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