I puked a lego.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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