According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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