he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
