new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I need a burrito and a hug.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
