when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
