Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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