If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
