WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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