My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
