i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i permit you to call me
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
