You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Randomize
