I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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