she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
