My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
