Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
