Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
