this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
