girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize