my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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