i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
