Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
