I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
