so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
