how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
