i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
