You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
