Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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