Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
