so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Randomize
