Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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