Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
