I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize